I’m Waiting For My Menopause

I suppose some of you know by now that I get my Argh!Hygiene from Pa. Now, I have transcribed proof that I get my Ooh!Random from Mum.

Warnings: horrible typos, language, and spellings on my side, When Parents Text!typos from Mum, and talk of intimate contact with cotton.

Mum: U heard anything about menopause?
Me: ur hormones change, u stop bleeding lor
Me: what else?
Mum: I have menopaused 4 years now. I have now accumulated hundreds of disposable income
Me: disposable income from not buying pads/tampons!?!?!?
Mum: Yes la cos i used high end tampons johnson and johnson
Mum: Because of that they helped me menopaused earlier
Me: huh how can, tmapons[sic] shouldn’t affect menopause ah
Mum: By that reason i chose j and j
Me: ARE u MUM OR ARE YOU RAY (Ray is Brat #2.)
Mum: They do. Ray in school
Me: where u ehard[sic] from de?!?!
Mum: Besides does not use grammatically perfect english (she’s referring to my line above, because I used atrociously bad Singlish, as I always do when talking to friends/family.)
Me: i dun want to stick stuff inside me that will get stuck/collect lint and ball up and never get out lor
Mum: Not if u use j and j
No balled up lints
Mum: In my opinion it is good to menopause early
Me: i also want to menopause early
Me: in fact i want to menopause now
Me: zzz
Me: still dun trust tmapons[sic]
Mum: Theree[sic] so much complaints bout the “hot flushes blah blah blah
Me: hot flushes as in the weather? (In my defence, people have been complaining about the abnormally hot weather these past few days.)
Mum: I m not affected
Mum: No in the body
Me: oh okie
Me: tt cos u already always feel v hot mah (translation: that’s because you always feel hot)
Maybe… Cos my body is perpetually hot
Me: ya lor
Mum: That’s why no cold feeling and not affe ted[sic] by heaty mangoes..
Me: i think shud eat watermelons instead
Mum: But my menopause also no dizziness no irritations
Mum: Dun take too much cold stuff
Me: okie
Mum: Better to have warmer body
Me: pls lor my body so warm my hands drip water al[sic] day LOL
Mum: U need to plug the leaks when u come back
Me: apparnetly[sic] having a gluten-free diet helps
Me: but i too lazy le
Me: also a lot of people (friends) have been saying that’s a sign of a bad heart
Mum: Cruel?
Me: Going-to-die kind of bad
Mum: What nonsense! I used to be like u
Mum: Certaily[sic] u will menopause early la
Me: eh i’m long past the age where I should have stopped getting super scary drippy hands ley

It’s a well-known fact that I have chronic clammy hands. I virtually bleed perspiration from every pore. This is why I hate meeting people for the first time and having to either (a) shake their hands, or (b) explain to them why I can’t shake their hands. Both are pretty awkward situations. ^^;

Back to building up my Pokemon case for tomorrow’s charrette!


  • shasha

    Hahaha, hello randomness from your mom! :D She’s hilarious, and I don’t think she even meant to be! And she writes so well!!! (Tutorrrr)

    I agree with you about the whole tampon thing. I have other issues about it which I won’t mention here but just the thought of it… ( >__< )

    Hope your sweaty palms will stop becoming sweaty soon, but hey, remember how it made your life drawings look super awesome? XDDDD

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